Promise
by ginny-malfoy22
Summary: A few nights after the events in the Shrieking Shack in POA, Remus gets a visitor. RL/SB.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I'm just a girl who's losing her soul to WolfStar.**

* * *

Remus thought he'd heard some hooves outside his house, but he shook his head, going back to reading his book. He was hearing things, or his wolf hearing was picking up things from a few miles away. His small cottage – the place James and Lily had left for him – was close to a couple of farms, and he was pretty sure they had horses.

Then came the knock at his door. He put his book aside, slightly confused. No one visited him. Only Dumbledore, to check up on him on Halloween.

He stood up, and walked over to his front door, opening it. He was surprised to see Sirius, who he'd only find out a few days previously was innocent. How could Remus have thought he was guilty?

Remus stared at Sirius, taking in every aspect of his appearance. He was so pale, the effects of the Dementors. He was so skinny and frail. Remus was sure that if Sirius took his clothes off he'd be able to see prominent bones. Sirius had always been lean, but it had always been healthy. This wasn't healthy.

Remus stepped closer to Sirius, and brought his hand up to Sirius' face. Sirius smiled a little, before kissing Remus softly. He pulled away from Remus, and the two continued to stare at each other, until Remus stepped aside and gestured for Sirius to come in.

Sirius walked in the door. Something about this place was familiar, but it may have just been because the house was so… Remus. There were scratches on most of the furniture, and the curtains were torn to shreds. The stuffing of one of the armchairs was almost coming out.

There was a big bookshelf, with a lot of books. None of them were damaged in any way. Remus obviously made an effort to protect those in during the full moon. Or they were the only things he bothered repairing.

He followed Remus into the kitchen, where he started making two cups of tea. Remus started going through his cupboards, and pulled out some biscuits, handing them to Sirius wordlessly. He then took some spaghetti out of the cupboard, and started boiling water in a saucepan on the stove.

"What are you doing?" Sirius asked, confused.

"You need food, Sirius," Remus said, realising it was the first thing he'd said to Sirius since that night Pettigrew got away, and he forgot his Wolfsbane Potion. Sirius nodded, and opened the packet of biscuits. He couldn't really argue with Remus there, he hadn't had much food recently, just enough to barely survive.

Remus handed Sirius one of the cups of tea, and pointed to the table. Sirius understood, and sat down at the table, watching Remus as he cooked. Sirius had always liked it when Remus became domestic. Sirius had never been much good at cooking, not that Remus was too much better. But Remus had always been the one to eventually give in and start to cook, because Sirius wouldn't.

Remus placed a plate of spaghetti in front of Sirius.

"Thanks, Moony."

Sirius ate quickly. He'd had no idea just how hungry he'd been beforehand, but now he was eating, he started to feel more and more hungry.

"Why did you come here?"

Sirius looked up from the empty plate of food, and frowned.

"Do you not want me here?"

Remus wished Sirius didn't misunderstand him.

"It's not safe. People could connect you with me."

"I'd be an idiot to come here."

Remus smirked. Idiot. His idiot best friend. His idiot boyfriend.

That thought brought something else to his mind.

"You know, technically we never broke up. Though, I did consider you betraying our friends and then murdering another of them a break up… you are innocent."

"What exactly are you suggesting, Moony?"

"Nothing… I just thought I'd point it out."

"Do you want to break up?"

Remus sat down at the table, looking across at Sirius. What did he want? Things were different now. Sirius hadn't trusted Remus, had thought he was the spy. Then all the evidence pointed to Sirius being the spy, to betraying James and Lily, to killing Peter, and Remus had believed it. Even if they knew the truth now… how could they go back to that open and trusting relationship they'd once had?

Then there was the fact that Sirius was on the run from the law, despite his innocence. How could they possibly have a relationship with Sirius on the run? He'd have to go soon.

"Where are you heading after you leave here?" Remus asked, not answering the question.

"I thought I'd head to the continent. Maybe the south of France," Sirius replied, his eyes not leaving Remus' face, "Why?"

"I just wondered. I'd like to know where you are."

"Remus… do you still love me?" Remus' eyes snapped to Sirius'. He couldn't answer, he didn't know the answer. Sirius stood up.

"I should go, Moony. Thank you for the food," he said, turning around. He started to walk out of the kitchen.

"So you came here just to get food from me?" Remus asked, "I'm glad you value me so much." Sirius turned around in the doorway, frowning.

"You know that's not true, Remus," Sirius said painfully, "But you obviously…"

"Obviously what? Don't know how I feel? Of course I don't know how I feel! How am I supposed to? Until a few days ago I thought you were responsible for the deaths of our friends! And I know you've been in Azkaban, but these past thirteen years have been difficult for me, too! I was alone, I had no job, I was reminded every day how worthless I am because of something I can't even change! So many times I have just wanted it all to end. So many times. Of course I don't know how I fucking feel. I haven't known how I feel for years!" Remus yelled. Sirius stared at Remus in shock.

"What do you mean, you wanted it all to end?" Sirius asked softly.

"What do you think I mean, Sirius? I'm only here because Dumbledore got here at the right time, checking up on me, that first Halloween after their death," Remus said. Sirius moaned.

"Shit, Remus," he murmured, moving across the room and putting his arms around him. Remus let his head fall onto Sirius' shoulder, sobbing.

"I'm sorry, Sirius, you had to be in Azkaban, I shouldn't be complaining," Remus said after a few minutes, pulling away from Sirius and wiping his eyes.

"At least I knew you weren't the spy and that you were okay… or I thought you were," Sirius said, "And me being in Azkaban doesn't change the fact that you were in so much pain. I once swore to myself that I would never let you deal with this shit alone. I really failed," Sirius said. Remus shook his head.

"You were imprisoned for something you didn't do," Remus said, "That's not failing."

"I could've trusted you. I should've told Dumbledore about the change with the Secret Keeper. Maybe then things would be different," Sirius said.

"Let's not do this. Let's not think about how things could've been different. It won't change anything, and I've thought about that enough the last few years," Remus said. Sirius nodded.

"I'm sorry," Sirius said, "I'm sorry for thinking you were the spy."

"I've already forgiven you," Remus said.

"I'm still sorry."

Silence filled the kitchen. Neither knew what they could say to each other. It had been a long thirteen years. Things could never go back to how they'd been before.

Without even thinking about it, Sirius kissed Remus again.

"I know you don't know what you feel, but I still love you. That will never change," Sirius said. Remus pressed his lips against Sirius' in answer.

"You need to go before it's light. No one lives close by, but a Hippogriff is pretty obvious," Remus said.

"I don't want to leave you," Sirius said.

"You have to, Sirius. You can't stay here. It's too obvious," Remus said, "I wish you could stay here… I wish I could help you get healthy again, and I wish I could have you with me… but if you stay here I will lose you again, for good, and I can't go through that. Not again."

"Remus…"

"Sirius, I can't lose you again, and if you stay here, I will," Remus said urgently, kissing him once more.

"I'll go, but Remus, you have to promise me that no matter what happens to me, if I get caught and they administer the Kiss… no matter what, you have to keep going," Sirius said.

"Sirius, I-"

"Promise me, Remus!" Sirius exclaimed, "Promise."

"You have to go, Sirius." Sirius stared into Remus' eyes, then sighed.

"Fine," Sirius said, kissing Remus passionately. After they broke apart, Sirius walked out without a word, and Remus sat back down on the chair.

* * *

A few days later, Sirius sat in a cave when an owl flew in, and landed next to Sirius. He took the letter, and opened it.

_I promise -M_


End file.
